Marriage

After reading my friend John’s post about his wedding anniversary, I began to ponder my marital status which began in the Year of our Lord, 1981. I can say with confidence that I am lucky that The Wife has hung around for all these years. We have not made it easy for her.

The Wife has had to live in a house with 3 often smelly, hairy, sometimes ill-mannered, usually forgetful, occasionally gaseous, and now and then rowdy males. Impromptu wrestlin’ matches were common and collateral damage was inevitable.

All these years translate into lots of dirty male underwear to sort and wash, thousands of meals to prepare, countless hours cleaning the kitchen, and untold time consumed with picking up, straightening up, and cleaning. And trying to communicate with males is an issue. My idea and her idea of cleaning the kitchen do not jive. My idea of cleaning is to put my dirty plate and glass in the sink. Her view is a lot more complete and time consuming.

However, in recent times, I have taken pleasure in operating the ole Oreck. Once The Wife told me “nothing turns me on like a man running the vacuum cleaner”, I could not be stopped.

For all her years of suffering, The Wife will finally gain the majority, just like the Democrats in the Senate. She and Little One will gain the majority after Son #2 gets out of college and flees the house for sane accommodations. The score will be females 2, males 1. I’m okay with that. She deserves it.

So soon there will be dresses, frilly clothes, hair spray, make up, pantyhose, and various feminine products about the house. It may look like a sorority house, but who cares? And lastly, there will be boys hanging around calling on Little One. I’ll be ready. They will be no match, they will not be a worthy opponent. I will have my “A” game ready…sittin’ at the kitchen table, cleaning my 12 gauge, and telling horror stories about fighting in the hot and sweaty jungles of Vietnam, or just giving them a stone-cold stare.

With this power shift, I hope The Wife will re-up for at least another 14 years. Now is not the time to cut out because “You have the power!”

Now excuse me while I go run the vacuum cleaner.