Al's Rantings

A view of the world from a hillbilly perspective.

Location: Virginia

I was born and went to school in the heart of the Appalachian mountains, in southern West Virginia. After graduating from college, I got married, and began working in Bristol, TN. I have have various jobs from Tennessee to up state New York and a few points between. Now I work in West Virginia. Some day, I want to live in Alaska.

Friday, May 26, 2006

How To Make American Idol Better

Well, American Idol (aka AI) is done for the year...good. I didn't watch a single show. For my time and money, there are better reality tv shows out there. Good shows are the ones that have fast cars, car crashes, fight scenes, guns, explosions, death-cheating situations, pain, women, or some/all of the above. Since AI is so popular, I believe it would benefit the show to combine it with some of my favorite shows. Listed below are ideas 10-1 on how to improve AI.

10. Buffalo Chip toss with AI - Simply toss a buffalo chip as far as you can by hand, no gloves allowed. The AI tosser mus sing during the toss. Points awarded for distance, accuracy, and chip hang time.

9. AI Arm Wrestling - Divided into men's and women's divisions, its a double elimination arm wreslting tournement. Singing loudly into your oppenents ears during the match is required.

8. Woodworking with AI - Put the contestents in a woodworking shop complete with lots of power tools. The goal is to be the first to build a CD storage unit. Sing mandotary while tools are running.
7. AI Mud Rasslin' - Target audience in the hillbilly and redneck populations. Two contestents will rassle in pure Georgia clay. Sing required during the entire match. As an added bonus, style points will be awarded if you sling mud into your opponents mouth and cause him to stop singing. Finals to include a competition of crushing beer cans on each others forehead.

6. AI Dodgeball - Randomly selected team captians will pick their teams. Regular dodgeball rules apply plus, each team must sing a pre-selected sond during the contest. After one team is eliminated, the winning team will have a no-rules melee to determine the last person standing. Constant singing required. Finals to include a skeet shooting contest

5. AI Gladiators - Pits contenders against muscular gladiators in a series of events, contests, and races. Contestents must sing throughout the competition AND beat the gladiator to win. There will be a free style "cannonball" competiton in the finals.

4. Lumberjack Competition with AI - High performance chainsaws, climbing 40 foot tall poles, long rolling, manual sawing competition, log racing...whats not to like. Lumberjack songs will be the special music for this competition.

3. AI Hunting with Ted Nugent - AI contestents are taken to Ted's ranch and given a foot long Bowie knife and told to go kill something for supper. Songs must be sung to announce the kill. The animal must be brought back to Ted, gutted, skinned, cooked, and eaten. Contestents must sing only Ted Nugent songs. Finals to include appearance by Ozzie Ozborne.

2. AI Raw - This WWE style event will be a series of wresting, tag team, and mixed tag team. All teams will be determined by Cactus Jack. Contestents must sing during the match. The goal is to stop your oppenent from singing through any means possible. No holds barred, musical instruments allow in the ring for protection. Special guest referee will be Hulk Hogan.

And the show I would like to see most is..............

1. Deadliest Catch, AI Edition - Crabbers need intertainment too. Competitors are put on crab boats headed for the Bering Sea of Alaska and must work on the deck while singing requests from the crew. Points deducted for not knowing the song. Boat success will be considered in the final score. Finals to include a hot dog eating contest and a complete version of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."


Blogger GOP Christian said...

Darn, I thought you were going to recommend AI knifefights and car crashes.

Who will replace the Golden Calf as America's idol?
Find out at:

11:45 AM  
Blogger Pumps said...

Boy did your post prove your point,
just look at 'comment #1'...One
has to question the brain function
of some 18-35 year olds...I wonder
if they have figured out yet how
much it is costing them to be an
'enthusiast'?....(Al, Great post)

5:21 PM  
Blogger John said...

Ohhh, I love Deadliest Catch AI.

But put them in the pots.

Nah. They wouldn't make good bait.

12:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » » »

5:02 PM  

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