Al's Rantings

A view of the world from a hillbilly perspective.

Location: Virginia

I was born and went to school in the heart of the Appalachian mountains, in southern West Virginia. After graduating from college, I got married, and began working in Bristol, TN. I have have various jobs from Tennessee to up state New York and a few points between. Now I work in West Virginia. Some day, I want to live in Alaska.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Our Goal...

I don't don't like it - I hate it! And I demand to leave! ... Well that is
because you are not the one who is supposed to spend the next 4 years of his
life in this Godforsaken hole in the wall, pigsty with a bunch of dirty,
psychotic rednecks! - Joel Fleischman, Northern Exposure

Joel did not like Alaska. This is what he thought about it. I, on the other hand, would be right at home with a bunch of dirty, psychotic rednecks. Reason 26 to move to Alaska...Rednecks!

The goal of me and Wifey was to make something very specific out ot the gathered material. Wifey had a plan, and idea. In her plan, I was the cheap hired labor.

First, get material. A 3/4" piece of 4'x8' plywood was too thick. So, a second trip was needed to Lowes. This trip resulted in the correct piece of plywood and the return of the wrong piece. Hint to Lowes: please start a plan where we can get a card punched so that after 10 visits we get something, anything!

Second, get the elderly neighbor with lots of woodworking power tools to do the final design and cut the plywood into pieces.

Thirdly., this is where I enter the picture, put this 3-D puzzle it! Building, as I told Wifey, is the hardest part. This allowed her to lower her expectations. Building don't come cheap...I get the big bucks! Using Wifey's keen sense of memory we began to build. Little One was not involved in the building. Her job was to run around like a chicken with its head cut off. By the way, I actually saw this one time. When I was young, Dad bought home some live chickens for eatin'. To kill them, he rang their necks. When the headless chicken was thrown to the ground, the thing ran around for a few minutes before it finally keeled over - dead.

Building consisted of measuring (multiple times before each critical nail placement), applying wood glue, drilling pilot holes, nailing, and swearing. I proved Al's Law of Nailing...nothing is so small that it cannot be screwed up. I did it on the third nail! Said nail had to be removed, parts repositioned, new hole drilled, and nail reinserted. Swearing was added free of charge.

Step 4 is to attach doors and touch up paint.

I wanted to "hillbilly it up" by adding a gun rack, deer head, or rebel flag. Something to give it character. But since it will be Little Ones, Wifey over ruled my ideas. It needs to look a little dainty for Little One.


Blogger John said...

Nope. Icenecks. No sunburn (reason #46).

12:32 AM  
Blogger Pumps said...

"Second, get the elderly
neighbor with lots of woodworking
power tools to do the final design
and cut the plywood into pieces"
This sentence denotes a lack of
personal survival skills which may
be required for Alaskan life...LOL

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! » »

6:30 PM  

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